WORSE

things are really shattering.i thought new brunswick would help, but all ive found was more heart ache. more lonelyness. with no one trully there for me i feel left alone.another four years. i dont need more time to sort things through. i dont need a break. both only make things worse. i just need to suffer for the time being and hide behind my smile. everythings happy there and i almost forget how depressed im becoming. ha ha its funny cause its so sad. i think that book is depressing, in a sort of sneak up on you sort of way (thats the worst kind). no wonder that man killed that beatles guy. oh well back to bottling my feelings and hiding behind jokes and smiles and having no one care either way.

OVER

well...i think i may be falling back into the same feeling i had during 5th grade that caused me to try to change. im noticing that alot of the feelings that i had then are coming back now. im slowly falling back into old habits. i really dont know what to say. things just haven't been going well. my friends are changing and i lost the one thing that made my life slightly complete. i just really dont feel as though things are going to be better. i think what maes it worse (and what made it worse before) was that i feel alone. theres no one. and things never change.