it hurts to feel lonely. to feel lost, scared, depressed. its a rut, more an abyss, sheer darkness, that one falls in and desperatly tries to climb out of. a place that numbs all feelings, yet producing more and more pain. i dont know. i personally think its a disease, yet more a virus that spreads and consumes you until your nothing. a feeling that spreads, mutating into self injury, bulimia, anorexia, depression, alcoholism, drug abuse. its silent pain.
surprising that it hurts this much to feel. a blade seeping through skin. cold mercury seeping out from within. ha ha. i rhyme. im very lost, thats why i perfer to not write in my blog. its not how it used to be. when i first started. but yet again, that was all b4 highschool. anisa was right ppl are fading away. sometimes i feel like im slowly fading away from myself.Je ne sais pas. it scares me. i think, well i dont know what i think. im just sad. hier, mes amis m'ont visité. Je m'amusais, mais j'étais triste. i'm just confused.something happened that left me utterly confused. hier soir je n'ai pas dormi. i just kept thinking about things and about feelings that im just not sure of. ce matin je me suis assis au lit et pleuré. and i hate to cry. i started a new micheal cause i felt so empty. more empty than i have ever felt, and i needed help.i needed guidance. i was like just starting to feel better then one thing makes me fall back into my rut.
i really did have though, yesterday, most of the time. i do not know, i guess im a sensitive person. and i dont do well when someone plays with my emotions. je m'excuse. Je pense qu'il y a quelqu'un j'aime.
