...God

well im sitting here waiting for my mom to wake so i can get some laundry done. then later i plan on having a bbq with my fam and i invited anisa and karina b/c we haven't all just hun out together just the three of us and i really miss that. so today im gonna try to pull anisa from armando for like a few hours and karina from yrwin but i doubt that will happen. i doubt it will be the three of us and im trying not to be so negative but i know its not going to happen, something in my heart says it. elmos acting really wierd so i had to block him from my AIM for a quick minuite and i think Yrwins mad b/c he was planning a day with Kay and i got to her b4 he could or whatever. I sware when did life become all about the opposite sex and being with the opposite sex? what happened to being happy and hanging with your friends and not having to compete with byfriends and guy friends and etc. im getting sad now. well anyway im planning on living a more spiritual life. sometimes when you think about it it seems so hard but then you have to ask yourself "do i really place the world, my friends, family, my worldly possessions,etc, in front of God?" "do i really worship them, instead of my own God?". i have to be honest and say that i really dont know, at times yes. most times yes.most times i rather spend time with my mom rather than read the bible or go to church, etc. there are things i know i must let go for God that i just really dont want to. but honestly what do i want most a relationship with God or 50 cent? no im just kidding but really yea.its gonna be hard. i really dont want to be the kind of person who stays at home and all she does is pray, read the bible, watch the news and gospels on tv, and does her hw and chores. but i also dont want to be a hypocrite. i want everything that i have now and a relationship with God and i dont know how to do it.and i dont think it can be done. so i usually start falling off my spiritual ride or watever. i doint know. im notfeeling well. im gonna go walk aroud the house.

...thats all