Black vs. White vs. Black

"It is important for the Black community

not to sterotype all Whites nor blame them for all our problems

'There are those of our color and not of our kind

while there are those of our kind and not of our color'"

Ebony Magazine

Today we had this black history teacher come to substitute for our creative writing class. He started talking about black history and what has happened to blacks and what is happening to black ppl now. Now im an african american 14 year old female, who like most other black children dont know much about their african decent (other than we were brought here as slaves). My history has been wiped out. Thats why i hate days like flag day, i think its an insult to african american children, while everyone else parades a flag from their contires what flags do we have, an american flag? Ameirca is not where our ancestors come from, its not where our history began but becuase the knowlege of our history was wiped out, thats all us black kids have.

When people start talking about african americans and our history and the problems we face today, I dont know where i stand. I dont agree with the fact that all white people are racist and to blame for all our problems, but i do believe rasism is still here. the teacher said one thing that was so true: "slavery may have ended, but racism did not." that so true, and not only for whites vs. black but also for blacks vs. whites. i do think we should learn about our history, the truth about it, not what they feed us in our text books, but we shouldn't use that information to build hate in our hearts.

I was watching real world, and i totally agreed with what Karomo was saying. White men are never going to understand Black men, because we are not only different in color but in lifestyle and the way people treat us. Over the years Black men have suffered tremendously; look at today there are more african american men in jail then in colleges. Though i am not the kind of person who thinks that its all White peoples faults, its a big part of our falts too. Black people dont stick together. Only a few days before Dr. Marten Luther King was assasinated, there were black people who were rallying against him becuase the FBI said he was a comunist. We dont support each other,which we need to start doing. And i dont mean (well i guess in a way I do) paying money and going out to see every black produced directed etc film. But i also mean unite with the serious issues like the way the urban schools are being held and the way black people ae rapidly going to jail.

My head is in so many places. I think that we as balck people tend to discriminate ourselves and put ourselves down. For examble: a white boy who talks ignorant and dresses sloppy is "trying to be black". WHAT? Thats saying that we are ignorant and sloppy and dont take care of our selves. But ignorant black people do that. The way black people can use the "N" word but other people cant. I believe that other people expecially shouldn't be using the "N" word, but we shouldn't either (just another form of ignorance to me).

I see that there are people rooting for us as a cultire to fail. But thats with everyone. But some of us black people are so ignorant and give them something to root on. I think before we start blaming people for our problems, we have to look at ourselves and see the problems within us. Yes! There is still racism. Yes! There is still prejudice and mistreatment. Yes! We were done wrong in the past. But to dwell on it obviously isn't making it better. I think we all have to realize that we all are different, and except that. Stop blaming each other and start thinking of ways to live with each other becuase the hatred in your heart gets passed on to your children. We dont want to continue this.

and thats all i have to say....

For Now.....

Friendship

"Don't flatter yourself that friendship authorizes you to say disagreeable
things to your intimates. The nearer you come into relation with a
person, the more necessary do tact and courtesy become. Except in
cases of necessity, which are rare, leave your friend to learn unpleasant
things from his enemies; they are ready enough to tell them."
Oliver Wendell Holmes

Everyone has their own definition of friendship. Everyone has their own notion of how a friends should be. Everyone has their own notion of what kind of friend they should be to others. Sometimes people come short of that notion, sometimes you dont live up to it yourself. When we think of friendship we think of a position in which two people share a common bond. Someone you can trust, to point out your bad, compliment your good, and be able to be their even when it seems like your not your best; someone who is thier by your side regardless.

I must say that i haven't been much of a friend to my best friend lately. So many things going on, i just dont feel like im in my safe zone lately. I find myself picking fights and just being a really iritated person. And i admit that. Knowing this, and knowing she knows this, all i want is someone to stand by me, because i am in a time of need. I need someone to balance me out. I'm so far away from friends that i used to see everyday. The only time i get to talk to them is on the computer, and then i come on and theres nothing. No one there to have my back. I come on line and the conversation is no more than a "hi" and "goodbye". I'm frustrated and i feel alone. I feel like theres no one there- at least like it used to be.

I guess thats another thing. I feel deserted by all my friends. Miles and miles away are my friends. I dont even get to see them and i cant even come online and expect a cool conversation. And then when i finally have a good day and i feel like joking around and stuff, here comes member of my suport team, only to be miserable and push that misery off to me. "Misery loves company."

Last time i stopped talking to my friend, I really forgot what it was about. Wait... no i dont. I pointed out a few things i said before and some other negative things-i was in a negative mood. Well anyway, one of my friends came back all offended and really aggressive. Funny... she was the only one to react that way (?). Anyway, we i guess resolved it. Didn't talk it out though, which is why i put the "guess" because i dont belive anythings resolved until you come to a common point. There was no coming to a common point and i think thats whats the problem.

I feel that i want my friends to point out negatives, because i feel like they are the only ones i would want to point them out. There are so many enemies out there willing and ready. I in return will point out negatives to. That is in addition to having my back, us being able to talk about whatever without an argument insuing, and for us to have that common bond, that friendship. Obvious mabey not all my friends see eye to eye with that.

I have to honestly say i have like three best friends, like friends that are on a higher level then others (i wouldn't called them best though, so scratch that). And i want to have all those things that i said before with them. The way things are going i barely talk to one and have barely been speaking to her since i left town, I can talk to the other about anything, shes so cool and supported and i have to say pretty much gets me in the best possible way a friend could, then i have my third friend who i have a fight with everyother friend, we are drifting away, we're not seeing eye to eye, and theres basically not communication because of our , i guess, priorities-basically most of the above qualities of a friendship i want to have is not looking like its hapening. But i have a respect for all of them and they mean so much to me and basically i love them to death.

I guess what i want may be a fictiona relationship, never seemed like it before but reality is that its not working at least. Mabey my wanting the negatives to be out in the open are fictional. We have enemies for that, i guess. Mabey all i need is courtesy , majorly on my part (Leo over here.lol), and just friendship on theirs. I realy keep saying that i want to change and this is an aspect of what i'd like to change, the way i am to toher people. *sighs* Basically, at the end of the day, i just want a friend, someone to talk to, have fun with, joke with, someone who is there for me, like everyone else in the world. Without that, without them, i am both lonely and alone.

and thats all i have to say....

Anticipation

"A great source of calamity lies in regret and anticipation;
therefore a person is wise who thinks of the present alone,
regardless of the past or future. -Oliver Goldsmith

Yesterday my mom and me had a dispute. The computer keeps messing up and its so frustrating having to restore it over and over again. Since I am basically the only one who uses the computer, of course I’m blamed for it, among other things. She blames me for everything that goes wrong, holds me responsible for anything done or not done. It’s frustrating. Besides that, she cannot pronounce anything without yelling on the top of her lungs. So that also frustrates me. So yesterday night we just basically collided, both of us annoyed, bad-tempered, stubborn Leo's. It wasn't anything nice.

She just went on and on about how she gets stuff and we don’t take care of it. Which in fact is true, but most of the time we don’t do them purposely. Hey, why would I purposely mess up a computer that controls my mere existence [slightly exaggerated]? Anyway i was annoyed and frustrated [as stated before] and all i could do to calm me was repeat over and over again: "just four more years". Just four more years and i would be gone. Four more years and i wont have to worry about this. Four more years and you wont have me to blame. Four more years and we can pretend not to exist to each other. Four more years.

It calmed me a great deal. I started to recognize that sort of feeling. I do it all the time. October 15th or 30th and i wont have to be in this house anymore. I do it a great deal. And that some how bothers me. That i can’t find anything better than anticipation to calm myself. That i use that and regret to justify my feelings of needs and wants.

What is life without regret or anticipation? What is a life without "what if"? It wouldn't be a life worth living. Though it may be wise to not linger in the past or future, it is something we cannot control. Something that is human nature to us all. And those who have had the privilege in living life without a single regret or anticipation, they are like inhuman to us. All human beings wish to focus on the present, but why. Most reasons behind it are so that we make a better future for our selves, or so that the past doesn't repeat itself. What is that but lingering on about the past and future? These things are our present, our past and future. Things we couldn't be without.

and that’s all i have to say....