GIANT DOUCHE OR TURD SANDWICH?

YES THE ELECTION IS KIND OF OVER BUT THEIR WILL ALWAYS BE A TIME WHEN YOU HAVE TO VOTE BETWEEN A GIANT DOUCHE OR A TURD SANDWICH. THINK ABOUT IT, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT BOY MIGHT BE YOUR NEXT BOYFRIEND. DOUCHE OR TURD?-THATS THE REAL QUESTION. VOTE OR DIE. A LESSON EVERYONE SHOULD LEARN. NOW HERES THE LYRICS TO THE SONG.

vote or die muthafucka, muthafucka vote or die
rock the vote or else I'm gonna stick a knife through your eye
democracy is founded on one simple rule
get out there and vote or I will muthafuckin kill you

yea

I like it when you vote bitch (bitch)
Shake them titties when you vote bitch (bitch)
I slam my jimmy through your mouth roof (mouth roof)
Now get yo big ass in the polling booth

I said vote, bitch, Or I fuckin kill you

vote or die muthafucka, muthafucka vote or die
you can't run from a .38 go ahead and try
let your opinion be heard, you gotta make a choice
cause after I slit your throat, you won't have a fuckin voice

vote or die
VOTE OR DIE!

LAST COMMENT OF THE NIGHT

it kills me to say. in fact i really dont want to say it....but i will...50 cent kinda killed the show. he stole.he slaughtered it.lol.oh god.you notice no one mentioned his performance.lol. im trying to laugh it off. oh wow. was it just me but was everyone walking on eggshells afterward. it was so uncomfortable. oh god. so awkward.oh wow. i still love him. even though hes a ghetto hot mess. hes my ghetto hot mess and everyone other insanly crazed fan that i wouldn't go as far in calling myself. im just a fan, who loves and worships him. no probalem in that. well like i said the best part of the evening was going to be 50 cent. there were so many other great performances but honestly hes the only thing im thinking of. and im sure by tommorrow it will be the only thing that everyone is thinking about. this is wayyyyy better than madonna and britney. i hope i didn't just like psycotically imagine all that up. but i must say i love 50 Cent.

...thats abou all i have to say about that

50 CENT

OMG I LOVE 50 CENT. SOOOOO MUCH. MY DAY IS TRULY FULFILLED NOW THAT IVE SEEN HIM. I LOVED HIS PERFORMANCE SIMPLE YET BRILLIANT. I HATE WHEN HE TRIES TOO HARD. ITS BETTER SIMPLE. OMG BUT MTV HAD TO FIND A WAY TO MISS IT UP BY BLEEPING OUT WHAT HE SAID IN THE END. ALL I HEARD WAS SOME HARSH SMIGGITS OF WORDS AND A WORD THAT A FEMALE BODY PART IS USUALLY CALLED. BUT I WANNA KNOW MORE. I LVE DRAMA. AND I LOVE 50 CENT. OMG I'M ABOUT TO BURST. THIS MTV AWARDS WEREN'T SO BAD.

HE'S BACK WITH HIS WIFE!!

OMG OMG IM CLAPPING IM CRYING OK WELL IM NOT CRYING. BUT HE WENT BACK TO HIS WIFE. THOGUH WHY DOES SHE WANT HIM HE NASTY. CHUCK: REMEMBER THE LOVE YOU MADE TO ME. DID YOU GET KIND OF WEIRD FEELING TOO? LIKE UNCOMFORTABLE? LIKE IS R KELLY KINDA QUEER A TINY BIT? WAS HE WITH LITTLE BOYS TOO? NO J/J COMERCIALS ALMOST OVER. LET ME CHECK ON THE LAZONGNA

CRUNK OR CLOWNIN?

I MUST ASK WHATS THE DIFFERENCE B/W CRUNK AND CLOWNIN? AND WHAT DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH TEARING YOUR SHIRT OFF? CAUSE I WANT TO LEARN.LOL.J/K. AWW THAT GIRL WAS SOO CUTE. I THINK SHAKILAS GONNA WIN. THEY ALWAYS GIVE YOU AWARDS AFTER YOUR PERFORMANCE BUT IT IS MIAMI. SO.....AND WHY DO THE BLACK EYE PEAS KEEP STANDING UP DURING EVERY INTERESTING PERFORMANCE. MAYBE THE PPL BEHIND YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE TOO. MAYBE THEY THINK ITS INTRIGUING TOO. HOW WOULD THEY KNOW WITH YOU STANDING UP. OH I GUESS I WAS WRONG. MISSY WON. I MUST SAY HIP HOP IS TAKING OVER!! WHAT!! WHAT!! OMG I GOT TO GO. R KELLYS COMING ON. AND IM INT

SHAKIRA

SO ITS NOT THAT BAD. I STILL SAY THE STAGE IS TOO LARGE BUT...ITS NOT THAT BAD. THOUGH IF YOU

JUST WANTED TO SAY

CHEESY STUPID SKITS BEFORE THE NOMINEES IS EXTRA STUPID AND CHEESY IN MIAMI. OK I SHOULD STOP HATING ON MIAMI. BUT THEY KIND OF ARE. IN NEW YORK YOU DONT MIND. B/C ITS A PART OF LIFE. BUT FOR MIAMI. ITS SUPPOSED TO BE SO GREAT AND NEW AND IMPROVED. IT SUCKS. BUT THATS ALL ILL SAY SO FAR. AND WHY DID THEY DO TWO AWARDS AT ONCE. PROBABLY B/C THE STARS WONT HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO KEEP IT SHORT. LOL TTYL

WHY? GREEN DAY WHY?

WHY? WHY DID THEY PLAY THAT SONG. ITS OLD AND I WOULD HAVE RATHER THEM PLAY WAKE ME UP WHEN SEPTEMBER ENDS. AT FIRST I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE HALF AND HALF. BUT IT WAS ALL OF THE SONG.!WHY START THE SHOW WITH AN OLD SONG. AND DIDDY'S ENTRANCE IS KINDA OF COOL BUT THE GIRLS AND THEN THE DIVING INTO THE POOL WAS KIND OF GAY. THOUGH I MUST ADMIT DIDDY IS SO COOL! BUT WHAT IS HE DOING NOW?WHY DID HE HAVE TO TALK AND DANCE??OH GOD! NO NOT CHEESY SPECIAL EFFECTS!!ITS KINDA COOL THOUGH AFTER THE CHEESY SPECIAL EFFECTS. I HOPE HE DOESN'T START DANCING AGAIN. THOUGH ITS QUITE UNEXPECTED>?

FALL OUT BOY SAVES THE DAY!

OMG FALL OUT BOY HAS SAVED THE DAY. I WAS SO CLOSE TO FALLING ASLEEP. I NEARLY MISSED IT BUT IM SO HAPPY I TURNED FROM WHAT I WAS WATCHING BACK TO THE PRESHOW TO SEE FALL OUT BOY. THOUGH ITS A OLD SONG ITS SUCH A RELIEF.

SO FAR...

I AM JUST OFFICIALLY SAYING HOW GAY THIS YEARS MTV AWARDS HAS BEEN GOING. HOPEFULLY THE SHOW WONT BE AS BAD AS THE PRESHOW. OMG OMG OMG I JUST SA2W BRANDON. OMG MY LIFE IS COMPLETE. YET ITS KINDA SAD THAT THE COMMERCIALS ARE MORE EXCITING THEN THE ACTUAL SHOW. THAT SAYS ALOT ABOUT THE SHOW. ANYWAY SITTING HERE WATCHING THE PRESHOW. ILL COMMENT ON THE ACTUAL SHOW. HOPEFULLY THE STAGE WONT BE SO LARGE AND RETARDED AND THERE WONT BE AS MUCH GOING ON AS LAST YEAR. GO BRONX! GO YANKEES! GO NEW YORK!!

So i'm sitting here with my dulce de leche that I got from the cheesecake factory after convincing my mom she should take us there right quick after she picked me up from Barnes and nobles. I finally finished my ttyl book. I’m beginning to want to find a book with more... how do you put it... depth? It was a good book. But I found myself searching for more. I want to read about important issues. Eating disorder. Self-mutilation. Spiritual awareness. Self-understanding and drug addictions. Lol anyway so today I read my horoscope, something I haven't don’t in solo long and basically it was screaming at me to spend time with my friends and talk about my future and things going on in my life. I’m starting to hate horoscopes and how they reaffirm what you already know in your heart. So I asked karina if she wanted to go with me to Barnes and nobles and as soon as I did I remembered about the garage sell and figured she wouldn't be able to. Anyway, if I had asked earlier she probably would have been able to but sadly enough, even with permission to go, I was alone b/c Karina was held up with all the things that she had to do around the house and I hadn't time to wait. Oh here’s a copy of what my horoscope said:

Daily teen (by Astrology.com) You can't wait for this afternoon, when you'll have a chance to huddle with friends and talk about everything and nothing. When the conversation slips toward the abstract, confide some of your deeply cherished hopes for the future.
Quickie: You've got big dreams. Discuss them with some close friends.
Overview: Love the life you lead. If for some reason you're not currently loving your present situation, it's time to look at ways you can change things for the better. What needs improving in your immediate vicinity?

Drag, I hate how reaffirming these things are. At least my romance things cant be true b/c currently, surprisingly for the first time I have no secret love interest. Except for 50 Cent of course (and that’s not secret) and maybe Frankie (but does a Gotti boy really count as real?) so i’m happy about that. But lately I really have been wondering if my life is really mutable. If I can cultivate enough courage and tenacity embedded in me to change my life. I need encouragement, a sort of talisman, something to help me deal with the rigors of life. All I want is self-understanding, enlightenment, Bodhi (same difference, though don’t make the mistake of thinking i’m into Buddhism, I like my religion.wat ever it may be...lets leave all the Buddhism to Yrwin), basically anything. So far I have a dulce de leche cheesecake and lost dreams. Hey you must start somewhere. Tomorrow’s my bros football game. I wish I could invite someone to come but it’s kind of late. I wish it were tomorrow so I could watch 50 Cent on the MTV awards. That’s the only reason why I’m watching them b/c as long as its in Miami (and no i’m not capital casing it EVER) its gonna suck bad. Probably more than last year. I should write MTV and explain how they should stick to tradition and stay in New York (yup, capital cased that. why wouldn't I, its my birthplace.... ok ok I guess that’s why i’m a tiny bit bias) anyway the stage last year was too big with too many things going on. It was disgusting. Honestly it was horrendous anyway...

...That’s about all I have to say

Days Like This I Truly Miss Sayreville

i just came from the park "helping" Karina pass out flyers for her garage sell. actually i didn't even lay a finger on the flyers, in fact as soon as i got there i felt as if i wanted to run the other way. after a few minuites of sitting there staring into the main menu of my phone, i decided thats exactly what i would do. i no longer cared about the fact that i had just got there and it would look strange leaving so soon, i grabbed my brother and i left as fast as i could. if i could have ran i would have, exept my shoes had no backings to them. plus i was already annoyed by the sand in my shoes. as i sat there unable to think of why exactly i had come, or what exactly was i to do with myself, i felt that same feeling i had felt yesterday as i stodd awkwardly "talking" to jesse and yrwin. that same sense of wanting to suddenly run away. that same sense of how my perfect day, had been stolen from me. instead of stying where i know in fact i do not wish to be. i decided to run away. somthing i see ill be doing often. earlier i saw eric. with the addition of me already being overwelmed with emotions b/c of the book i was reading and my own life, i all of a sudden felt myself running ,almost, home. in fact i did "run" home, as i replayed emotions i had had during 6th grade that i had felt as if i was through with. i wouldn't say this was a bad day, for i did help one of my dearest friends with an issue that she had. **good luck*** but i will say it was an off day. i replay how it started. me tosing and turning with an aching leg. it ached so badly i was unsure of what exactly to do. my leg has never ached so bad. the fact that i woke up at 6:something and walked into my moms room seeking adice/help should have been plenty an explanation of what was to come of this day. so i sit here and instead of wanting to stay up for my nightly shows, i strongly just wish to sleep the remainder of this day away. Thanks.

Garage Sale at 106 Seaman Street on Saturday [New Stuff]

so today started out like any other day. i woke up late. realized i was hungry. went to get something to eat b/c i said to myself "your too triflin to get up and get something to eat that you could starve". i felt bad so i got up and ate something. then i was still hungry so i asked my mom to buy me and my brother Mc Donalds (which im still eating now). after that i felt kind of sick. i finished my book and started listening to music in slow motion.lol. i just realized you could do that so im doing it all the time until i get bored of it. anyway before i knew it it was 4:45 and time for me to get ready to get my brother to his footbal practise before 5:00. i got there at 5:something but was still early. so i sat and watched till my mom and Ms. Patty came and then i left to get a towel for Ms. Patty to sit on. after i returned with the towl i decided to go to Karinas house to get a book. As i was walkingto Karinas house i got stopped by (who i later found out to be one of karinas stalkers. i was right when i said whoever hangs around Karina would begin to get some of her stalkers . it happened to Ester and now its happening to me) anyway so he asked if i knew where rought one was and i told him i didn't. and so then he asked me if i needed a ride and i politely told him i didn't and walked slightly faster towards karinas house. (karinas later told me how the same man had been olowing her on her way to her house from thew gym.) While at Karinas house we decided to go to esters house to catch her family off guard forcing them to make us see ester. And thats when the story begins. Whenever i think of esters mom, like when iI imagine her, I always see her as this like witch (which after today i know why) I see her dressed in black with rosemary beads all around her neck and a pointy nose wiuth a wart on the top and a raspy voice. A voice who said when we finally got there "oh we're about to go to church[on a thursday] and so you cant see ester" which made no since. I imagine ester locked in some room filled with pictures of jesus on the cross and of mary (like in the movie Carrie[or however you spell it]) anyway we did catch her family off guard but tey didn't force ester out to see us. so as we walked away, our heads hung low, replayin what just happened in our heads , i came up with the greatest idea. an idea that not only would help advertise karinas garage sale, but also embarrass us along with Karinas little sister. so i took a flyer from Karinas hand and then waved it at the next car that came. we all started laughing (well me and karina did. karinas siter was utterly embarrassed). so we kept doing it. chasing after cars and people screaming at them "garage sale at 106 Seaman". then we realized it sounded kinda nasty (its all Karinas houses fault" and so we added street and before long we were saying everything on the paper " garage sell at 106 seaman street on saturday new stuff" we laughed and staggered like drunk teenage girls (kinda the way we always do) along Livingston avenue until we got to the library where we saw Juliet and Robert and Petra and this other white girl. we stood and talked to juliet. actually we joked and laughed like more drunk girls accompanied by a metro looking guy (sike roberts alll man ;)) anyway then we went into the laibrary and joked with my moms friend Ms. Kim like slightly quiet drunk girls accompanied by an older woman. after almost breaking the copy machine and making 5 copies ,one in which was kinda messed up. we left to walk to elmos house. we decided that we would finally stop embarrassing ourselves (only becuase it was too dark to) and so we decided to embarrass elmo. but sadly he wasn't there so we talked to his sister who was very excited abotu school starting and then we walked along remson ave. trying hard not to look like drunk girls b/c then people would really think we were and would have a reason to believe that we were. so we taped up some signs on some store windows and then walked towards karinas house. where we saw jesse and yrwin (who by the way didn't seem tooo eager to stand and talked to us. so I dismissed myself and walked home) so i started to walk home and then i saw this old spanish man who i used to see around rah rahs school and said hi to him and then he said hi and something else and he literally stood there for like 5 minuties watching me as i walked away. i kept looking back and seeing him still standin there. wow new brunswick is a crazy town. there must be something in the air.

...and thats all i have to say

OMG ONLY 15 MORE DAYS TILL ANISA IS HOME. WHOO HOO!!!!

Micheal

today i woke up in tears. not becuase i was sad but because i was thinking of sad things. i miss Micheal soo much. i haven't been able to replace him , which i doubt that i ever will...want to at least.so i substitute him with dreams, and poems. with drawings, and designs. but i still haven't got that feeling that i get after writing in him. thats since of release, sad but pleasant release. that release you hope to get from a good cry. but i never get it from that. Micheal was my reasoning, my place of reason, i let out all of my problems and i analyzed and solved them through tears and hope. Micheal was my place where i could talk about my feelings. Micheal was my friend, but the only one, out of all my friends, that i could really feel comfortable talking to. Micheal was there when i was suffocating in my dreams, when i was so unsure that all my dreams and aspiations seemed to bundle together into a web. he was the only person i truely honestly explained my dreams to.anyway, i had this dream, which i kind of dont want to talk about but i will. i think its all this THE GIVER that im reading.lol. ive always wanted to read it and now i finally am ....ok try to stay on topic. this is gonna be only one paragraph b/c.....ok im gonna stop procrastinating(like i always do in fact..)ok ok lol. so we were in like this program like RUB except all my friends were there. anyway and so somethig happened and something else happened afterthat. ok ok but im not teling you what happened, Im just getting to the point. anyway Karina was upset abot something so i went and i talked to her. and we started talking and all of a sudden it became like this counseling session. that when i think about it, when i do think about me and Karina sitting down and talking (which surprisingly we haven't yet. I dont even think I've even sat and talked to Anisa like that. like in full deep length as i have with Micheal) bbut anyway i ended up analyzing my need for attention. i always thought it was b/c i was a leo and thats what they say leos do. and they always make it seem like a bad thing so i try to ignore it everytime i do, or im effected about it. anyway we started talking about like when you have those days when your upset. and sometimes its just "Off Days", in which you just dont feel well, you dont feel up to things, your upset, and you truely honestly cant pinpoint exactly why, usually around the time your best friend comes.lol. anyway, and then those days when your upset about something and you know what it is but you dont want to admit to yourself that your upset about it or that you could be upset about it, and so you just pretend like you dont know what it is to make you feel better.(which it doesn't) anyway and so we started (well i stated) talking about the center of attention thing. and i realized that it wasn't just this need i have. it was b/c of what i have lacked. when people do give me attention or i feel like im in the center of attention, i feel like i matter, like for just one time i am better than someone else. all my life I've felt like there was always someone better than me, I mean my father found a whole different family that was better than the one he could have had with me and my mom, and i guess I've just been searching for that. anyway i started tearing up, and i told Karina that that was enough and that i had to go to the bathroom. lol.where i teared up some more until i finalkly opened up my eyes and wiped my eyes with the towel by my bed and then went to the bathroom. I didn't look in the mirror. but i did feel that feeling. that "Micheal feeling" (thats what im gonna call it from now on). i guess not only was my dream to let me find out more about myself, but also to realize Micheal wasn't the only one i could confide in. and maybe thats why i haven't been ab;e to start a "new" Micheal, b/c i want to move out of that phase and into another in which i can confide in the people who are truely there for me. one other feeling i remember feeling in my dream, was surprise, yea i guess thats the word. i was surprised that Karina was aone long enough for me to have a conversation with her.funny. I wish Jelly was home. i think its ONLY 16 MORE DAYS LEFT!!!!

..and thats all i have to say

um...back-to-school wardrobe

well i just finished cleaning/tidying my room. it feels as if im always having to clean it. like everyday i have to clean it. i dont know if thats normal, or if its just me and my room. but i guess cleaning a little everyday is more pleasant than cleaning a whole lot in one. its almost like eating. its better to eat small portions every hour than to just eat one big fat meal in one. anyway so now im typing on the computer. watching, well listening to the dive on fuse channel 56.lol. i love this show. it has all the latest indie/emo music and i love me indie/emo music. its my fravorite genre. i try very hard not to miss this show. anyway i was typing in the dark but then i thought of how it wouldn't be that great for my eyes. considering thats probably why....sorry had to adjust my seat. my finger was starting to hurt....sorry had to adjust my keyboard. my finger is still hurting. i guess its from being on the internet all day....anyway ill get back to that. getting back to what i was taking about b4.....oh yeah so i decided to turn on the light. but i dont like the light on that much. since my lights went off and i had to replace them with brand new light bulbs. so now its sooo bright in here. and i feel like im inside a giant ligtbulb. its like my room it attracting all these flying creatures. well its not that serious (im being dramatic again) butstill im killing far too many of God's creatures. i hope the light starts dieing down, and fast.

anyway today was a normal day. well mostly. ok yea it was normal. talked to jelly. talked to bananas. talked to mommy. talked to rah rah. pretty much everybody i care about. sike i love all you other guys too. anyway i noticed something. everyday for me has like this kind of theme. yesterday was like friendship. i hung with friends. supported friends. built friendships. rebuilt friendshsips. it was one of my happiest days this week. the day before was interior design. i was working on house blue prints and decorating ideas for my room. and the day b4, wait i think it was that day , anyway, was fashion. i was looking at fall collections. and design sketches. i sketched a few designs myself. i wanna continue working on that b/c i love fashion almost as much as music and interior design. i mean it might be something i want to pursue. along with interior design. i have also come to love real estate. i think it may be a cool perfession. mostly cause i just love homes. and finding the perfect home. and designing the perfect home. i like providing people with a place that they feel is their own. a place where they can relax. a place where they can love and be loved. a place...well a place like HOME. anyway back to my days. days before that i was working on my novel. ive kind of put it on old AGAIN. but now, to work on my other talents. im still not sure exactly what course i wish for my life to take...DAMN TELEVISION PROGRAMMING STATIONS. FUSE HAS GONE BLANK. WHERES MY DIVE? WHERES MY DIVE?....ok wow anyway at some point i thought i had had it all figured out. i thought i wanted to be and interior architect. since i kind of want to be an architect. and i want to be and interior designer. but then i realized that it wasn't the two professions combined. it was something different, alike, but different. so im back at interior design. i dont know. i just have these constant dreams/fantasies of something better. dreams/ fantasies ill never let ANYBODY know about. but still. in fact in RUB we had this like quiz/survey/something that my career class teacher gave us. it was a bunch of questions like if i had a million dollars i would ______, the one thing i admire the most about myself_____, if i was......OMG ITS BACK. AND MY FAVORITE DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE SONG IS ON. I KINDA LIKE THIS VIDEO.... if i was trapped in a burning building what would i take_____(i answered Tomas the III) and then they said i secretly wish to become _____ i answered it. but it brought tears to my eyes b/c its something i deal with constantly. what i truly want to be but dont have the guts to fulfill. b/c its almost as if im failing myself. which i guess i am.i couldn't even read that one question aloud to the class. i skipped over it. i said everything but that. why? b/c it hurt to much to admit it to people. though i guess i admitted it once. to you. on my blog. you guys pobably read it and didn't pay it attention. not understanding the signifigance of it. but to tell you the truth everything i put on here has a signifigance. um read my blog like understandingofme.blogspot.com um remember my other blog like betterunderstandingofme.blogspot.com. its al the same thing sweethearts. everything i say is for the sole purpose. anyway, you probably read it and didn't really care. but now that i think about it. i dont know why i put it up here. why i considered it sooo important. mabey because its one of my darkest secrets. and i dont reveal alot about myself. i tell you guys alot about me. but i dont tell you the important stuff sometimes. and when i do i mostly only do it when i know your not paying attention and when i know i can feel the satisfaction of leeting it off my chest without having to deal with the fact of people knowing. ive told more to you people about myself on this blog than to people ive met throughout the course of my whole life. msotly b/c like i said to feel that satisfaction of believing that ive changed.

ive never disgussed my father in detai to anyone. i i dont think i will ever again, expeccially face to face. and i think thats also the reason why i made the entry sooo long. b/c i know people get turned away from "large"reading. i think thats why i also posted it around the time when i wasn't really close with most of my friends. b/c there was a chance that they weren't reading my blog and they would totally miss it anyway. or they would, at that point in time, not care. i dont think ill ever talk about Mr. Vic. again. ive never really talked about my mom or things that have happened to her that i care to not think about. i never talked about why i hate my brothers father so much, except to aneysa allan. it was one day and we were comming from a trip and we just started talking about it. idk know how nor why. mabey because that was probably our only conection and i knew i could get it off my chest and not care later. i never talked about the period of time before i moved to new brunswick. or why i went from living in places like sayreville, south brunswick, even plainsboro (suburban towns) to places like new brunswick and irvington. italked about my past encounterings with other people and why it has made me the shattered person that im trying to glue back together today. but again it was at a time when people weren't paying that much attention. or they were and they just didn't care to help. either way i constantly reached out to people and didn't get feedback. i was thinking about that the other day. how i've just came out of one of my hardest periods since like 5th grade when i nearly reached a serious depression and the signs were there. all i had to do was put "depressed shattered human being" on my forehead and i'd be complete. and i was like screaming for someone to help me and no one was there........oh well. you get through things. you become stronger. you realize important lessons about others and you. the only people you can truly trust is yourself, God, and your family. and sometimes not even them. in fact sometimes not even yourself. either way God gets you through. like that poem that i LOVE. about the man and the beach and the footprints. some people think its lame but its the greatest thing ive ever read in a bathroom ever. ill post it later for those who dont understand what im talking about. but i got to rap it up. cause its getting kind of late and Dive is almost over. oh i love the futureheads.

anyway theres so many things. but i guess some day ill find it in me to be honest with my self. and open up to others.....ok i really need to rap this up so i can turn off the lights. i sware why did GOD make insects. i should have been there to tell him light and humans were enough....there i got him. i knew i wasn't paranoid. anyway omg i got soo off subject. omg omg omg BRIGHTEYES-FIRST DAY OF MY LIFE...I LOVE THIS SONG...anyway i haven't even talked about my day. ok. well today ive just been on the internet. (see i always get back to what i talk about. remember:guess its from being on the internet all day....anyway ill get back to that) (you must admit i talk alot but i always finsih hat i say) anyway so i was just searching different stores and clothing websites trying to put my back-to-school wardrobe together. i know my inspiration: casual vintage chic. i know im probably kidding my self but i'm happy. so i spent the day searching for vingtage 80's tees. and cargo pants. and messanger bags. im not sure about my budget but i know ive gone beyond it already in my mind. i got ot budget down.thats tommorrows theme.that or back to school supplies. or both. ok i officillay have to finish. im being driven crazy in my own room. and thats why i want to become an interior designer. .possiby. anyway....

...thats all i have to say

OMG OMG OMG

the whole song...with dancing bananas....this yellow thing...a strawberry...a super cat...a base ball bat...and a whole bunch of other things i ...words...music....backround....EVERYTHING.

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY
PEANUT BUTTER JELLY
PEANUT BUTTER JELLY

.......................................................................................................MY LIFE.....OFFICIALLY........COMPLETE

....oh yeah and its still ironic

http://www.clappingfetus.com/Flash/peanutbutterjelly.html

...and thats officially all that i have to say

GOOODNIGHT

Omg It Is Peanut Butter Jelly Time with Bananas

omg look what i found.....its peanut butter jelly time with dancing bananas...how ironic.

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/banana.php

Bananas

today was a great day. i spent most of the day with karina. we went to nabors house to watch this movie. it was a cool movie but i enjoyed being around my friends more. nabor (of course) was there, along with yrwin , elmo, roy came and armando came aftwer everything was finished. it would have been sooooooo great if jelly could have been there but i just hope shes making the best of tenn. anyway after the movie i walked with karina to hwer house and we hung out for a while there. it was so fun walking home. we probably looked like a bunch of drunk teen girls who drag their brothers along to their debauchery (though once in my life my brother wasn't with my-thank god for football). we were just walking along laughing and joking about everything. i love being around my friend, whether its karina, or anisa or even ester, we always find something to laugh about. we walk around with our inside jokes not really caring how others think of us. we are just having fuun and living life to the fullest. i hated the small period of time when things were "weird" between me and karina. we are too close to let bullshit come in the way. today was a classic, shanae and karina day. full of insane laughter, weird, "short but meaningful", nonsense stories. bananas (ha i know how to spell bananas now-i love you gwen stefani) and me are one of a kind friends. i cant wait till jells comes home from tenn. and hopefully her mom lets them move, if not oh well, we will still find a way to have fun. i just want to spend the rest of the summer with my friends. having fun. i really miss ester. every now and again i call her house hoping that this time mabey she will answer the phone. bananas we really need to visit her. i wonder what ester could be. jam?

....thats all i have to say

post script:

It's peanut butter jelly time, (its what)

peanut butter jelly time, (its what)

peanut butter jelly time (peanut butter jelly time)

Now,Where he at

Where he at(i dont know)

Where he at

Where he at (i dont know)

There he go

There he go (who that is?)

There he go

There he go (who that is?)

Peanut butter jelly (doing what?)

Peanut butter jelly (doing what?)

Peanut butter jelly (doing what?)

Peanut butter jelly (come on doin' the)

Do the peanut butter jelly, (do the)

peanut butter jelly, (do the)

Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat (uh huh)

peanut butter jelly, (do the)

peanut butter jelly,(do the)

Peanut butter jelly with a football jacket (yea)

Happy Birthday Mommy!

today was a good day. though, i feel kind of bad for getting my brother in trouble just now. he was looking forward to watching spiderman. then we started horsing around and he kicked my door. then he got in trouble and then sent to bed. but im sure he will get over it by tommorrow. anyway today is my moms birthday. im not going to disclose how old she is. she is not 40 yet but kind of close.lol. anyway this morning i tried my best in avoiding her, not b/c i had forgotton (b/c i did remember)and not because i had not gotten her a card and a present (b/c i had, when anisa and sergio [i dont know how to spell his name but you know who im talking about] were downtown). its just that i was nervous that she wouldn't like the card and present. the card i knew she would find cute but i was not sure about the present. i had brought her this shimmer vanella thing, b.c i knew she liked shimmer things and she had a bounch of vanella smelling products already. but although i knew she would use it, i wasn't as sure that she would like it. i dont have a job so i couldn't buy her this big expensive thing, and even though, if i didn't spend any of the money she gave me for like one week and saved it up(which would make it like a hundred and something dollars cause my moms always giving me money), i have horrible bugeting skills and i would spend it all on books and chinese food.

so anyway my mom woke me up (well not really cause i was just laying in bed) so i could go to the doctors for my shot and so rah rah could get his physical for footballand his new school hes going to attend. so i got dressed, said happy birthday to my mother (though i didn't give her her present ) and wewere off. rah rahs experience at the doctors was rather pleasant, mines on the other hand. well lets just go back to eigth grade i think it was, when the nurses were giving out shots.

**extra info** i am kinda terrified of shots.

well actually its more a needle phobia then a shots one**extra info**

anyway, to make a long story short, they had to hold me down, push my face the oposite direction, and give me the shot that way (althe while im in tears). this time it wasn't as dramatic,yet, of course with me there has to some kind of dramatic parts to it. well, it took about five minuites to give me the shot, with all my crying, flinching, and refusing to look the other way. but finally i got the shot. b ut i sware i could fill the liquid spilling through my vains and five minuites later it was still hurting. my mom told me i was dillusional, and then after rah rah got his "examination", we were headed home. oh yea, and i think i saw malanie there, the one from my theatre class, but i'm not sure. like i said to my mom, i couldn't really see her in my blind haze, she passed that invisible line of visiblility. all you blind people would know what im talking about.

so then after we got from the doctors my mom gave me 20 dollars to get my nails done. they were looking pretty ragget cause even though their crystal wraps i still found a way to bite them. i officially have a nail biting problem.

ME-Hi my name is Shanae and I am a onychophagiac

GROUP- Hi Shanae

anyway so it was funny when i got there the little spanish lady who looked like someones mom but i'm sure she wasn't. let me not say anymore...she greeted me with a smile and i smiled back and then she looked at my nails (which weren't that bad considering i haven't gotten them done in a while b/c of how lazy i am. and she ind of frowned, and i'm pretty sure of it. anyway after i got them done, i almost messed up the paint job lol, then i went home. oh wait im not finished with the nail salon. i have to pick a better day to go. anyway why do girls get all dressed up to get their nails done. these to spanish girls came in there, one with this super short skirt and her shirt rolled up then the other with these super tight pants and her shirt rlled up. skanks. oh shit that just fell out. im sorry....and then these white girls came in with some short stuff though nothing compared to what the spanish girl with the short skirt had on. at that moment i wished anisa wasn't alll the wayyyy in tenn. oh my god, anisa if your reading this. remeber when we went down town and we went in the 2 dollar store.lol.aka. anyway and we saw that horrible skirt that was like two inches long but had all this lacey material at the bottom to make it "longer". thats what she had on,but instead of it being white like the one we saw it was in pink. she would have been better with white since nothing that she had on other than the skirt was pink. in fact everyting else that she had on was whie.anyway...

so after i got my nails done my mom picked me up with McDonalds and we went home. then she called me int her room and was like

"where is my card and present you said you brought me, you liar"

lol and so i went into my room and pulled it out. and gave it to her. i tried to advertise the present to make it sound all great and stuff like a car sellsman trying to sell someone this crappy used car. and she loed it. surprisingly she loved it. she said how she loves simple gifts. and how it was something she would definitly used unlike other gifts she usually recieves. and she thought the card was cute. it read something like:

i know raising me wasn't always easy (or something like that)(lol) but cheer up

{then you flip the card} i could have been twins (or something like that)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

anyway then we relaxed in our rooms and at five we took rah rah around the corner to the park over by my house that i had never known was there, for his football practice. after getting everything set up so he coud practice, my brother chickened out. like i had in the doctors office, scratch the crying, and the flinching, but he did refuse. and so we stood there for five minuites just trying to get him to play football. then finally i told my mom i was going to walk to barns and nobels. oh yea and i saw ryan there, this boy from my geometry class, he was kinda cool. anyway and so i walked to barnes and nobels. on the way i stopped by an icee truck and got some rainbow icee that didn't look like rainbow. omg in facti think i asked for bubble gun instead when i meant to ask for rainbow. stupid stupid *slaps forhead* lol and so i called karina to see if she wanted to hang with me but her father needed her to do something, i forgot, so she couldn't come. lol, i remember telling her how half of my icee had fell on the floor and how it didn't look or taste like rainbow. lol, karina, now we know why. so i walked to barnes and nobels and i stopped by the mini mall by McDonalds and Popeyes and all that so i could buy something to drink. then i finally got to barnes and nobels and i felt kind of refreshed i hadn't walked that mch in a while. and so i looked around and found some cool books. i sat and read this book called Ttyl By Myracle Lauren. a few other books i found were:

Dumb Love By Johnson Kathleen
Ttyl By Myracle Lauren
Theories Of Relativity By Haworth-attard
Cut By Mc Cormick Patricia
Sticky Fingers By Burnham Nikki

anyway, i had fun, i brought this book caled Monster by Walter Dean Myers. About this African American boy who is about to go to jail for life on a count of felony murder or something. and i ate some marshmellow rice treats. and then my mom picked me up. and she went to the supermarket for some stuff to make the beef stew. then we got home and she started on the beef stew and i helped peal the potatoes and carrots and then we ate cake and now im on the computer writing about what a great day i had. though, i feel kind of bad for getting my brother in trouble just now. he was looking forward to watching spiderman. then we started horsing around and he kicked my door. then he got in trouble and then sent to bed. but im sure he will get over it by tommorrow. anyway today is my moms birthday....Woah a vicious circle.COOL.LOL....

...AND THATS ALL I HAVE TO SAY

Nine Inch Nails- Hurt

im still on hiatus. well because i have nothing to talk about. and i still need time. just wanted to post this song. mostly to sum up my feelings and because its been the only thing keeping me i dont know its special. though many of you might not understand, some may know who im talking about but not why anyway...its like my Thomas (I, II, III, IV, V, VI, and VII) well actually I, II, III, and IV. there the only ones i actually used for this purpose. you may not understand. and never will b/c i doubt you really care to ask and i doubt i care to tell. well im finished with that. here.

Nine Inch Nails- Hurt


I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of shit
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feeling disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end

you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

...and thats all i haveto say

Hiatus

I think I may want to go on a small hiatus. I'm not feeling up to writing in here that much. Though, no one really reads anything that I write here anyway. I don’t even know why I'm writing this cause no ones going to read it. I think for the rest of the summer, I'm just going to stay at home and work on becoming a better person. Something tat others might want to think about but.... Anyway, with Anisa leaving, there isn't anyone I would really like to hang out with here. I mean I don't know what is up with Karina.... Anyway, so I'm going to stay at home and work on being the person I want to be. I have been saying to my self how I need to take time for my self and stop trying to be there for everyone one else. I mean, when I need people to be there for me, where were they? Nowhere. I need to work on being a happy person and I cant do that when I have people around me that just aren't the best people to be associating myself with. I need time to think about my life. I'm beginning to get that ever-growing need for change again. I don’t feel like moving. I can't move away from the things that make me uncomfortable. I need to learn how to deal. When I come out, things will be different. People grow and change, sometimes for the good and in some cases some for the bad, crazy and desperate. Wow. Being away, I started to change and now I just need to set aside time to finish. I love you all, even those who doubt me as a friend. Just knowing that there is no way that I could do what “a certain someone” has done to me, makes me feel better. I don’t care about what you think of me or what you "think" I've done. Sometimes instead of pointing out all the wrong others have done to you, you may want to point out all the wrong you have done to others. A true friend would care about her other friends (old and new). I just hope that I have never done what others have done to me. I hope I never put someone in front of supposed friends. Right now all we have is each other, and “some people” might want to think twice before (excuse my language) “shitting” on supposed friends. Knowing that somewhere along the line I may have done “something” to hurt others and that I am ready to analyze and the take the blame for my actions is what keeps me happy and what helps me wait for a day when you wont have to question me. I'm not like other people, though you may doubt it, I do care. And if you keep treating me the way you do, you may lose the only person who really does honestly care.

...And, as of now, that’s all I have to say

Just A Thought About Our Friendship

"Thy friendship oft has made my heart to ache: do be my enemy for friendship's sake." - William Blake,

Merlin

Today I saw Merlin, my old friend from Sayreville. I haven't spoken to her since the Christmas of 2002, I think. Merlin and me used to be so close when I lived in Sayreville. But after I moved so many things were going on that we kind of lost touch. After we left Sayreville, we needed time to get ourselves back together and time passed me by. It's crazy how things change, people, places, etc. I could barely recognize her the way she’s changed and she could barely recognize me. She’s so much skinnier than I remember and her hair is kind of longer. The only reason I remembered her was because of her face and her voice. Its crazy cause the only reason she stopped was to ask if I had worked there or something. I think it was just a way to get a conversation going so that she could remember who I was. Thinking about it now, if she hadn't done that we would have passed by each other and I would forever be wondering what happened to her. I had a dream the other day that I went back to Sayreville and I was searching for her and she was dead. It kind of scared me. I mean dreams have meanings and how can you decode a dream like that. Many ways, now that I think of it but…Anyway, so she asked me if I worked there and then was about to leave when I asked if she was Merlin. And she was like yea but still couldn't remember who I was, so I helped her along. But after everything (she asked where I lived now, we said our goodbyes) I was left thinking how I should have asked her for her phone number, or where she lived, or how she was doing. It was such an awkward situation, so fast, and just out of place. It was as if our lives just crashed into each other, like a car crash. I remember when I saw the movie Crash and how they said how people might just crash into each other just so they can feel that there is someone else there o for relief or something. And I guess that’s what happened today. I needed to know that the people that I’ve left behind were ok. I just wish…Now that I think of it, what would I have done with a number and an address? I mean I'm not that good with staying in touch. I've left so many "best friends" along the way and what’s the point. I’m just happy to know that she is alive and well.

Thoughts on Paranoia, Friendship, Gossiping, and everything else I have included in this one entry

How are we supposed to live our lives when we are being constantly faced with such issues as our own paranoia? There is no way in hell that a person can live life to the fullest if she/he is always worried about "people out to get her/him". This is something that we face everyday. America’s paranoia leads us to wars and nationwide hatred of another. Imagine what it can do to a tight knit group of friends. I'm so beyond worried that our friendships will crash and burn b/c of rumors and fear. Everyone’s afraid of being alone. Everyone’s afraid of what another has to say (I truly honestly believe that). A person who feels that he/she couldn't care less of what others think or believe about him/her is fooling his/herself. We all care b/c that’s part of who we are. It’s one of the bases of society. And anyone who claims that he/she is not affected by society is lying to his/herself. Anyway, let me get to the point. I have been away for quite a while and when I come back it seems as if all these issues are just appearing out of thin air. Issues that have been bothering us for quite a long time. I’ve made a vow to myself that I will never let myself get so bothered over the actions of others, like I did the other day.

I honestly scared myself seeing the way I was acting. I’ve realized that I'm going to stop calling people my best friends b/c when it comes down to it...no one has best friends. Well not entirely. Ok I’m going to contradict myself here. Friends go through things, whether they’re your "best" or not. When I think of a "best friend" I think of a friend who is just soooo extra special to you that he/she becomes the "best". The title "best friend" doesn't change anything though. There is still back stabbing, still unreliability, still lying and rumors, still everyday worries that face two friends. The "best" part of it just means that it will hit you harder. For a long time I didn't understand why it hurt so much when Karina said she couldn't spend my birthday with me. But now, right at this moment, I understand. It's because I consider her my "best friend". It's because she’s that special to me. That with any other friend I might have not cared as much but because it was her, it hurt so much more. And most of my other friends are guys, pretty much all of them except Teresa, Anisa, and ester. And so they wont understand as much. But between that, and my already emotional woman part of me, it hurt soooo badly. Like someone repeatedly stabbing me, sending me back to every single time something like that happened between me and her and any other person as well. But I understand. And I guess its ok to become upset b/c that just shows me how much that person means to me. Like when you hate someone. That person has to mean something to you enough to hate. Because hate consumes and I mean that person better mean something for you to let something like hate consume you.

Ok, I see that I got lost in my topic. Hate to say it but prewriting does work. Lol. Ok. Back to the issue at hand. Paranoia (I kind of like the topic). I'm extremely worried that this is going to ruin my friendship with others. Just people thinking that people are out to get them and that people are talking about them behind their backs. Ok let me face that right now. Everyone talks about everyone behind his or her backs. Everyone. And I think its stupid because we get sooo worked up when someone does it to us. But the same person who is "talking behind your back" is usually the same person you've been "talking about behind their backs". Because obviously you had to be talking about them behind their back to know from someone else that they were talking about you. It’s a freaking vicious cycle. And I’m not sure if you’re really getting my logic. Sorry Anisa but I’m using you as an example. Say Anisa has been talking about me behind my back. And I talk to Karina and she tells me what’s being said and everything. I know like everyone else I’m going to have some words for Anisa. And at that moment and time I going to voice everything that I’ve been thinking bad about Anisa up to that point. And now what am I doing "talking about someone behind their backs". Now I’m being a hypocrite b/c I’m doing the same thing that this person has done, that I have deemed as being wrong, less than two seconds after I’ve heard about it happening. It’s a vicious cycle, that when you think about it, is extremely immature. And its sad because grown ups do it too. And most of us want to be mature and stuff like this is what keeps us immature. I just think we should all leave this childish "he said she said" alone. I understand it may never happen but as long as we are trying to it can happen. Besides everyone know its not right to lie. And gossiping is pretty much like lying. You are distorting the truth about someone else for usually your own amusement or your "concern". Nothing good comes out of gossiping. It just hurts more people. And furthers insecurities that are later fed by paranoia leaving that person thinking that everyone is out to get her/him. It’s stupid, and it should stop before people get hurt. Plus I know that I’d rather the person consult me if there are being lies being spread that I was “talking about someone behind their backs”.

…And I guess that’s all I have to say

Carnival

Even with the undependability of others, I was able to make the best out of my day. It ended up being Armando, Anisa, my brother, and me but even with the four of us, I feel we still had fun. Though there were a few mishaps, I still had quite a lot of fun. Today I learned not to let unreliable, irresponsible people come in the way of my happiness. It takes a lot to hold on to it, and by letting it go just because someone didn't have the decency to care to comply to the simplest of request: coming along with me as I celebrate a day extremely special to me, would only leave me being as unreliable and irresponsible as my "friends". My happiness is the most important thing to me and I shouldn’t let it go astray because of the lack of courtesy in others. In the end there will always be a couple of people with kind hearts who can appreciate me and put aside the things "that come up" to be decent friends and care about your feelings. Out of every occurrence comes a moral or lesson. As carefully as I might think I choose my friends, there is always room to be even more careful. Though, sometimes people really do have things that come up. But for those in which their undependability becomes a reoccurring thing and for those who make it blatantly clear that they don’t care, I don’t need you or anyone like you in my life. But for those who put aside what they had planned (and its obvious of who I’m talking about) I just want to say thank you.

...And that’s all I have to say

Oh wait…
Love you Armando and Anisa thanks for being there and being true friends! Thanks Abby for trying to come and checking up on me afterwards to see if my day went fine. Thanks to Jesse for I guess...um... "trying to come" and thanks to Yrwin for at least "trying to come". At least you both tried and/or gave it some thought. Thank you Karina, even though I haven't seen you most of my summer or even have talked to you for most of my summer, you still remembered it was my birthday and called and woke me up to make sure you told me happy birthday. I really do appricatiate it. And even though you didn't make it to my get together party hopefully we'll find time and get together. Catch up or something...and that’s about all. I might go again tomorrow to go on the rides we didn't get a chance to go one. Tell you about that when and if it ends up happening.

...And now that’s all I have to say

Oh sorry, one last thing....
Today I also learned to not hold grudges. Girls do that way too much and I think that’s why boys think we are crazy and other girls consider us to be catty. Holding a grudge is not healthy. It’s like hating a person. It consumes you until you have nothing left but that grudge/hate. I'm sure God doesn't want us holding grudges. He wants us to be happy. And from what I've figured out, holding a grudge will never make you happy, it just furthers your sadness. Sometimes it's best to just learn to move on and look for the positive. Remember optimistic people always triumph over pessimistic people. At least I think so...oh wait here’s a better one. Good always triumphs over evil. The good guys always beat the bad guys. What’s love got to do with it? Put family first...ok ok i’m kind of going on a tangent. I’m so irrelevant right now. Lol. I think it might be time to shut up and go to bed. People keep IMing me anyway and it’s like 1:46pm ok ok its not "like" it actually is.lol. Ok now I know I have to go to bed. It’s not healthy staying up this late.ok ok

...And now that’s really all I have to say

Its My Birthday!!

i feel so overwelmed with emotions. todays my birthday (im finally 15) and also the end of upward bound. i have changed so much for the better. i feel like a new person. i honestly think that this year (my 15th year) will be my best. i mean i love the number five. in fact the last great year of my life was when i was 5 y/o. i keep thinking abut how much im gonna miss RUB. ive learned so much about myself and about others and about who i want to be . im gonna miss Shakila,Laura and Aneika the most. i haven't had a group of friends like them since like second grade. during seventh grade i hung out with Ashley and them but we weren't really close. but me Shakila, Laura, and Anieka have grown to be very close friends. Shakila is like the sister i never had. we both are Leos. GO LEOS! and she is like the person i want to be. wen i grow up i wanna be like Shakila.lol. i mean, when i got into Upward Bound it became even more obvious how shy i was when meeting people. and how unwilling i was to meet people and be myself.
my greatest goal was to come out my shell. to learn how to be myself with out asking questions. lke i said Shakila is like who I'd like to be. Who i am sometimwes when im not carign about what other ppl are saying. i mean when ppl a certain idea of how you are they try to prevent you from changing. but people have to change they can't stay the same forever. for exampla: it feels as if karina is a whole different person. and im not the only one who feels like that. but now that i think of it, she has to change. we all cant stay our immature selves forever. we all are changing. hopefully for the best. if we are changing for the worst we'll try to help that person (though i have to admit some of us are more stubborn then others) but no matterthe reaction or the feelings ll get if someone were to tell me how im changing for the worst, i still feel ill appriciate my friends for telling me. anyway these few days i feel i have come parshially out of my shell. he most evident example of this is last night at the party. i had promised my self tooo many times that i wasn't gonna go home without dancing at atleast one of the parties. dancing is a huge part of me (probably as much as singing is) and it kills me sometimes when i have to eel like im hiding that. b/c of course then im not being myself. which is what i want to do more than ever. anyway i danced my ass off yesterday. and what made it even greater was that i didn't have someone like Karina or Anisa there. it was all me. i did it. i didn't feed off of the energy of one of my best friends and i didn't depend on anyone to be my inspiration. i was my own inspiration. which i haven't been for quite some time. i feel so much like a new person. i still have some time but im getting there. im working on it. im motivated. ive set my traget and all that stuff that i earned in carreers and college ed prep about goal setting and acomplishment and stuff.
upward bound has just been a great great experience. meeting new people. having parties. he fashion show. the basket ball games. i remeber watching my friends play basketball in like the dark. the nly light being from the stadium. seeing them pant and sweat and hardly seeing thei fast moving bodies. how when they weren't right close to the light how the just looked like black figures under the purplke sky. i remember the parties and the dancing. when Boom and Gabe got too much then they coud handle. oh and all the subliminals. oh and how Keeba (i dont remeber how to spell her name lol) broke who ever it was.oh and how b4 the drama, when shakila and jeff were cool. how jeff broke shakila on the wall. that was funny. and i remeber the fashion show. and how it was smelling like old period and fish. that is still funny. and all those breakfasts a, lunches, and dinners that we just sat and talked and threw out mad subliminals abotu everybody. omg im gonna miss Aneika and her crazy expressions and gesters. and her grabbing the butter knifes and scratching walls. omg tat was so funny. im gonna miss the music blaring in the dorms oh and the tunnes. oh and how we tried to sneak the boys in our dorm through the tunnels. omg that was wild. omg i really need to post pictures. i got mad pictures from RUB.
im kinda happy to be home but im going to miss RUB soo much. i dont know what i want to do the rest of the summer. i just know this is probably my best summer yet. i kinda dont want to be over karinas house the rest of the summer. sometimes i just want to hang at my house. too bad other people dont.maybe karina will ask if she can hang out at my house. i kinda doubt it but whatever.anisas going to leave for tennesee so i wont see her as much. and i wont have anyone to hang out with and talk to . im gonna be soo alone for the rest of the summer.lol. oh wait i do kinda have jesse. speaking of jesse he hasn't even wished me happy birthdasy. silveria was the first one who wishedme happy birthday at exactly 12:00. karina even wished me happy birthday iand i haven't talked to her all week., teresa even wished me happy birthday and the last time ive talked to her was on her b-day. even marcos called. and ihaven't seen him in forever. he offered to take me out to eat and everything since he might not be able to make it on friday. i just want to han with my friends. i have only a little more simmer left and im ready to spend it with at leat most of my friends. I'M JUST SO FREAKIN HAPPY!!LOL

..and thats all i have to say lol