my greatest goal was to come out my shell. to learn how to be myself with out asking questions. lke i said Shakila is like who I'd like to be. Who i am sometimwes when im not carign about what other ppl are saying. i mean when ppl a certain idea of how you are they try to prevent you from changing. but people have to change they can't stay the same forever. for exampla: it feels as if karina is a whole different person. and im not the only one who feels like that. but now that i think of it, she has to change. we all cant stay our immature selves forever. we all are changing. hopefully for the best. if we are changing for the worst we'll try to help that person (though i have to admit some of us are more stubborn then others) but no matterthe reaction or the feelings ll get if someone were to tell me how im changing for the worst, i still feel ill appriciate my friends for telling me. anyway these few days i feel i have come parshially out of my shell. he most evident example of this is last night at the party. i had promised my self tooo many times that i wasn't gonna go home without dancing at atleast one of the parties. dancing is a huge part of me (probably as much as singing is) and it kills me sometimes when i have to eel like im hiding that. b/c of course then im not being myself. which is what i want to do more than ever. anyway i danced my ass off yesterday. and what made it even greater was that i didn't have someone like Karina or Anisa there. it was all me. i did it. i didn't feed off of the energy of one of my best friends and i didn't depend on anyone to be my inspiration. i was my own inspiration. which i haven't been for quite some time. i feel so much like a new person. i still have some time but im getting there. im working on it. im motivated. ive set my traget and all that stuff that i earned in carreers and college ed prep about goal setting and acomplishment and stuff.
upward bound has just been a great great experience. meeting new people. having parties. he fashion show. the basket ball games. i remeber watching my friends play basketball in like the dark. the nly light being from the stadium. seeing them pant and sweat and hardly seeing thei fast moving bodies. how when they weren't right close to the light how the just looked like black figures under the purplke sky. i remember the parties and the dancing. when Boom and Gabe got too much then they coud handle. oh and all the subliminals. oh and how Keeba (i dont remeber how to spell her name lol) broke who ever it was.oh and how b4 the drama, when shakila and jeff were cool. how jeff broke shakila on the wall. that was funny. and i remeber the fashion show. and how it was smelling like old period and fish. that is still funny. and all those breakfasts a, lunches, and dinners that we just sat and talked and threw out mad subliminals abotu everybody. omg im gonna miss Aneika and her crazy expressions and gesters. and her grabbing the butter knifes and scratching walls. omg tat was so funny. im gonna miss the music blaring in the dorms oh and the tunnes. oh and how we tried to sneak the boys in our dorm through the tunnels. omg that was wild. omg i really need to post pictures. i got mad pictures from RUB.
im kinda happy to be home but im going to miss RUB soo much. i dont know what i want to do the rest of the summer. i just know this is probably my best summer yet. i kinda dont want to be over karinas house the rest of the summer. sometimes i just want to hang at my house. too bad other people dont.maybe karina will ask if she can hang out at my house. i kinda doubt it but whatever.anisas going to leave for tennesee so i wont see her as much. and i wont have anyone to hang out with and talk to . im gonna be soo alone for the rest of the summer.lol. oh wait i do kinda have jesse. speaking of jesse he hasn't even wished me happy birthdasy. silveria was the first one who wishedme happy birthday at exactly 12:00. karina even wished me happy birthday iand i haven't talked to her all week., teresa even wished me happy birthday and the last time ive talked to her was on her b-day. even marcos called. and ihaven't seen him in forever. he offered to take me out to eat and everything since he might not be able to make it on friday. i just want to han with my friends. i have only a little more simmer left and im ready to spend it with at leat most of my friends. I'M JUST SO FREAKIN HAPPY!!LOL
..and thats all i have to say lol
