Boyfriend

ok this is going to be short and sweet and to the point...i think im like falling in love. i dont know i wanted to be sure that i "felt" it before i said or expressed, etc. it but i think im kind of sure. i care about him sooo much and i ...i love him. i can truely say that since talking to him and spending time with him i am truely happy. ive never felt such happiness. i remember reading karinas thing and she said how shes so happy im not sad and depressed anymore like how i used to be and i thought about it and i realized it was all mostly jesse. when i was sad and depressed and felt so lonely and and unloved, he, out of everyone i knew, was there for me making me feel special. we used to talk and talk and talk and i was so just happy. i wasn't as sad as i was before. i think mostly it was because of how he saw me. he saw me as this happy, outgoing, freespirit, kind of girl, every thing i have wanted to be, but just couldn't. he sees in me the good and he understands me. and i remember thinking about how i wanted my boyfriend to be, what i look for in "him", and its jesse. i wanted someone who understood me , sometimes better than i do myself, and tries to understand me and someone who loves and cares and is sooo supportive of me and who tolerates my bad and laughs at my stupid jokes and makes me feel important and smart and just makes me feel good and happy. i just wanted someone who could help me find "true happiness". and its jesse. its ben him but wasn't willing to let myself believe that because i so desperately didn't want to be hurt. just like ive never felt that jind of happiness, i have never felt that kind of pain, and even though with jesse i dont feel like he would ever do something to hurt me, i dont want to take my chances and i dont want to feel vulnerable. im so scared and i told him that. how im like terrified of commitment and im not affectionate and i dont want to feel vulnerable, and im kind of scared. though i like the feeling, im scared of it. but right now im trying to soak up this feeling, though after all the negative stuff i just wrote, its kind of hard. but im trying to soak some of it up before i start building my wall. i really dont wabt to but i am just really protective of myself and my feelings and i just cant trust him with it yet. i think thats what im afriad of. i have a fixed belief of what love and marriage , no no no im not thinking of marriage yet but im just saying, and i think its like when you come to a point in your relationship when you can honestly trust that person. like with your heart and soul and be sure that he/she wont break it. i hardly like letting people borrow my clothes (karina you still got my Thomas, i just remembered you have my Thomas), let alone trust them with my freaking heart. so i guess thats why instead of trusting and relying on people i rely on my Jerry and Thomas I,II,III,IV,V,VI and last but not least my Micheal.lol i just realized i have talked about jesse and karina and i haven't capitalized their names but Thomas and Jerry and Micheal get their names capitalized; them and God.lol. sorry guys.anyway i need to get ready, i have to find the phone and get dressed for bed and clean up my room ;) ;) sike but really i need to clean up my room (lol) and just get ready for jesses phone call. i really hope he makes it home safe, he should be getting hom now. anyway.ttyl

...thats gonna be about it